So here I am. Had a ridiculously hard day. Throbbing pain from the spider bite with the area feeling like I burned with hot water. Lying here fighting with myself on why I didn’t go to the doctor. That is where you, dear covid comes into play. I am so scared of what I can contract going to the medical center and that if I use antibiotics my system will be so broken down that I will be much more acceptable. Still dealing with all the thought in my head of what am I going to do about my work, do I give up or fight again? With the cost of life today it has really made my decision very hard or let me say it has completely taken away my free will. If I stop working, how am I going to pay the bills and what essential needs are we gone have to remove from our lives? It hard making a decision that affects 4 peoples lives. Then my health physically and emotionally get thorn appart each day by breaking myself for each sent . I will start working full time again tomorrow that has left us no choice but to take the kids to grandma to help out. I can’t even live my own life the way I want to and I miss the kids already so so much. I wish I had someone that went through an epidemic like this to help me to say do this, deal with it that way. But again when you fall down you have to get back up they say… Let me start tomorrow with one thing at a time, pray about it and let God lead the way he has planned for me…